Amanda Eyre Ward, How to Be Lost
On a 6am call:
Lt- (singing to me) Good morning to you, good morning to you…
Me- (sarcastically) Get up bright and early, and put on your shoes
What where?
Dispatched to an unknown medical. Victim’s father met us at the door, obviously been crying. He was unable to articulate what was going on, led us to his early teenage son’s room.
14 yo victim, penis caught in a 2-liter soda bottle. Packaged (ahem) vic for transport, reported to the hospital by cell phone.
Father had been laughing so hard he cried!
Gin the EMT: Waiting for additional units
Dispatched to an unknown medical, possible domestic disturbance. Staged with LEOs about a block away, cleared the scene, then entered residence.
35 y/o patient sitting on his couch. I started taking vital signs while my Lt. talked to the patient, getting his history, medications, etc.
Patient…
Boat bed
This is exactly what it has looked like outside my bedroom for the past 24 hours :)
To: All EMS personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following:
Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking), or HIBGIA (had it before got it again).
Stroke patients are NOT “Charlie Carrots.” Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (coo coo for cocoa puffs) to describe their mental state.
Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit), FDGB (fall down go boom), TBC (total body crunch), or “hamburger helper.” similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like “negative vehicle to vehicle interference” or “terminal declaration syndrome”
HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not “Glow Worms”
Persons with altered mental status as a result of drug use are not considered “Pharmaceutically gifted”.
Gunshot wounds to the head are not “Trans-occipital implants”
The homeless are not “urban outdoorsmen”
Nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a “PVC challenge”.
And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as “paws up”, ART (assuming room temperature”, CC (cancel Christmas), CTD ( circling the drain), DRT( dead right there), or NLPR (No longer playing records).
I know you all will join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating a proper narratives and log entries."
